open post: averageness

[tallyyoungblood]

Tally's first clue that it hadn't been a dream was that she'd woken up alone in her room.

Nowadays, she and Gideon have been sharing a room, so that Tally can protect her from ever finding a body alone again--and maybe conspicuously leave out some clothes that fit Gideon but aren't, like, ratty black pants. That day, though, she'd woken in an empty room, gasping from something that felt like a nightmare, but somehow more vivid than real life.

Without even getting dressed, she'd run for the woods to confirm what had happened. Horror had flooded her when she found the knife-mark, exactly where she remembered throwing it yesterday. It was true. She'd been Special. She'd been awful. She'd seen and felt the world with more harsh clarity than she'd ever thought possible. She'd hit Gideon.

Tally had collapsed onto the stump, gripping her own arms to make sure her familiar, average body was still there.

Over the next few days, Tally doesn't sleep well, and people getting swapped out for a second time doesn't help. People might find her wandering the mansion like a zombie, or in one of the kitchens, contemplating getting drunk. She's not as put together as usual, either, but of course on her even bedhead and sweats look beautiful.

Comments

[ninth_cavalier]

Yeah, there goes all of Gideon's lingering affection for Shay. She frowns. "She thinks you hurt her on purpose?"

[tallyyoungblood]

"I mean, yeah. She thinks I stole David because I'm selfish and wanted attention from the bubbliest guy in the Smoke, even if my friend liked him. And in my memories from being Special, she told me I should have tried to share the cure with her instead of Zane--never mind that we had only seconds to take it because the Specials were about to find us. She was like, you just shared it with him because he's the leader of the Crims. I think she thinks I'm some kind of popularity-chasing monster. She's not wrong that I want to belong," she says quietly. "That was the whole point of being pretty, that I would be a part of something and never worry about being alone again. But I didn't want to hurt her to do it. It just happened that way."

[ninth_cavalier]

"Yeah, sounds like she needs to get the fuck over herself. It's almost like you make decisions based on criteria that aren't just about whether or not she'll get her feelings hurt."

[tallyyoungblood]

Tally snorts. "Yeah, you know, just maybe." It feels good to be talking about it like this, to take Shay off the tower she'd been perched atop in Tally's mind, if only for a moment. "I guess it makes more sense why she was so jealous now, though. I don't think she knew how to show me that she... um... wanted me."

[ninth_cavalier]

Gideon leans back to examine the ceiling innocently. "Wow, what a loser. Can't relate."

[tallyyoungblood]

"Oh, well, I think I'm getting pretty-minded again and forgetting," Tally teases. "You better remind me."

[ninth_cavalier]

"Okay," says Gideon, and slings one arm around her shoulders and the other up under her legs to pick her up and pull her into her lap.

[tallyyoungblood]

Tally makes a little delighted noise and kisses her, sliding her arms around Gideon's neck for balance. She likes the way Gideon does it, showing off her strength in a way that pretties never do, even though most new pretties could probably go toe-to-toe with her in an arm wrestling match. All that brand-new muscle, just to sit around pleasure gardens with.

She breaks away for a moment, a little breathless. "So, we've established we're definitely not mad each other," she says. "No grudges that will turn into nonconsensual surgery later."

[ninth_cavalier]

"Mhm," says Gideon, and kisses her again. Every time she does it drives the hard black eyes of Special Tally further from her memory, replacing her with the real, warm, laughing Tally in her arms.

[tallyyoungblood]

Tally's heart squeezes with fondness. It feels good to be close like this, Gideon's thighs radiating warmth up underneath her. She's definitely, definitely not repulsed anymore; she wants as much of Gideon touching her as possible. She brings a hand down to touch Gideon's side, then hesitates, remembering the scratches.

[ninth_cavalier]

Gideon wraps a hand around her wrist and finishes the motion, pressing her fingers to the healing wound. "S'okay."

[tallyyoungblood]

Tally traces over the wound, gentle, hoping she can erase what's been done emotionally if not physically. She kind of wants to see it, actually, or maybe she just wants to see Gideon with her shirt off. The thought makes her whole body warm. It feels realer and more like her own right now than it has since she's come back to herself. When she's satisfied, she kisses Gideon again and lets her hand wander over the rest of her side and her back.

[ninth_cavalier]

Gideon takes a breath in through her nose. She and Tally have made out before, obviously, but it's usually laughing, almost daring each other to see how far they get before one of them pulls back and changes the subject (or, lately, they separate to fall asleep—Tally in her bed; Gideon on the floor on the mattress she'd hauled from her own room, hands linked). This feels—softer, more intent. She breaks the kiss to nuzzle into the curve of Tally's neck. "We should, um. Maybe move somewhere that isn't the kitchen."

[tallyyoungblood]

"Come back to my room," Tally says instantly. She's sure Gideon can feel her heartbeat thrumming in her neck. "Our room. I missed you." It's covered in clothes and mugs again, and Tally's hair is still unbrushed, but she feels the ability to care about these things slipping away. Even if Gideon clearly cares a little about her body--she's touching it eagerly enough--it's really sinking in that she doesn't expect Tally to be a perfect pretty all the time.

[ninth_cavalier]

"You don't have to ask me twice," says Gideon. Her arms are already under Tally's shoulders and knees, so she just stands up and carries her out of the kitchen toward their shared room.

[tallyyoungblood]

Tally makes a little surprised noise and throws her arms back around Gideon's neck for balance.

"You're strong," she says, sounding totally intelligence-missing. Obviously she knows that, it's hard to miss, but it's another thing entirely to actually experience it. It makes Tally feel like a princess in a fairytale again, if a princess still kind of felt guilty about getting turned into a Special and hitting her prince in the face.

[ninth_cavalier]

Gideon wants to laugh, or make some quip--you just noticed?--but something about the way Tally says it, low-voiced and sweet with her soft arms around Gideon's neck, makes her face all hot and all her verbal cues scrambled. She has to concentrate on not tripping over anything as she crosses the room to drop Tally gently to the bed. When she pulls back to look down at her she realizes there's a line of greasepaint smudged along one of Tally's cheeks, and she makes a face. "Gonna, uh, wash this off," she says, gesturing to her face, and backs out to duck into the nearest bathroom.

[tallyyoungblood]

Alone on the bed, Tally touches her own face. Her fingers come away gray with the paint, and she rolls her eyes. She's got to get Gideon to wear it less, or seal it better, even if she's totally used to the look by now. She scrubs at it with the neck of her sweatshirt until she looks presentable, feeling an equal mix of self-consciousness and excitement.

Wait, now she has paint all over her sweatshirt. She is utterly brain-missing. She pulls it off to reveal the tank top underneath, grateful for the cooler air on her arms and neck. She pitches the sweatshirt across the room, not particularly caring where it ends up.

[ninth_cavalier]

Gideon comes back clean-faced, dodging the thrown sweatshirt with an overdramatic flourish as she crosses back to the bed. The skin around her eye is mottled purple and yellow, and the cheek below it slightly swollen. She lets her gaze roam over Tally's shoulders and arms, then back up to her face.

[tallyyoungblood]

"Nice dodge," Tally says, then catches sight of Gideon's face. The color is suddenly alarming without the paint. "Whoa, your eye. It looks totally crim, but--come here." She pats the bed.

[ninth_cavalier]

Gideon comes to sit next to her, raising her eyebrows.

[tallyyoungblood]

Tally touches the bruise lightly, watching the way Gideon's eyes automatically flutter shut. It feels warm, but not, like, infected-warm, she doesn't think. "Did you ice it?"

[ninth_cavalier]

Gideon opens one eye. "Did I what?"

[tallyyoungblood]

"Put ice on it to reduce the swelling?" Now it's Tally's turn to raise her eyebrows.

[ninth_cavalier]

"Is that a thing? I thought ice was for drinks." Gideon pulls a little face. "In my defense, that's all I ever see people here use it for."